beauty + hlth
Shade-of-the-evening: the perfect shade for you! ___________________________________________ House of the Undying? More like House of the Fundyeing! Don’t let apocalyptic visions and dead, rotting flesh get in the way of looking your best! Here at The Haus, we provide comprehensive hair color care for all manner of magical and otherwise-irregular beings. Choose your treatment among...
Wedding band ____________________________________________ We are looking for musicians (lute players, miscellaneous percussion…guys, and bards) to perform during various entertainment segments of King Joffrey’s upcoming nuptials to Lady Margaery Tyrell. If your merry band… ….PLAYS GENESIS COVERS AND HAS A SUBSTANTIAL KNOWLEDGE OF EARLY MICHAEL JACKSON WORK ….KNOWS...
Blacksmith _____________________________________ Gendry. Full experience with all manner of metals. All your metalworking needs covered. Wrought-iron, iron, steel, cast iron. NO OBSIDIAN. Weapon-smith expertise on offer. Will repair/produce: short swords, long swords, broadswords, parrying blades, daggers, knives, axes, halberds, spears, lances, scimitars, helmets, breastplates. Rendezvous for...
Hodor _______________________________________ Hodor? Hodor Hodor, Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor, HodorHodorHodorHodor. Hodor Hodor, Hodor: HodorHodorHodor-HodorHodorHordor-HodorHodorHodorHodor. HODOR. it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
for sale: free
rainbow cloak - GENTLY USED! ______________________________________ I have a FABULOUS cloak from King Renly’s Rainbow Guard that I’ve only worn once (recreationally: no battle)! I’m looking for someone to take it off my hands, since I really don’t have space in my rucksack for it (had to flee camp with all my possessions, including my full-series Sex and the City...
braavosi “dancing” master _______________________________ king’s landing special! buy three lessons, get free bodily protection from would-be assasins! you can choose from several different simile-themed classes: 1. fear cuts deeper than swords….with swords 2. swift as a deer (sabre not included) 3. fierce as a wolverine fencing 4. calm as still water kung fu OR 5....
King’s Landing Forum ___________________________________ Does anyone else think it’s weird that all three of Robert Baratheon’s legitimate children have blond hair? <definitelynotnedstark> ……..That depends on what you think “legitimate” means. If you’re asking do I think it’s weird that Cersei gave birth to her brother’s...
don’t be too tired for your bedding - hire a frey today! ___________________________________________ Here at the Twins, there is one thing we do best of all: marry people! We offer professional nuptial-planning services, including: ~~fiddle/lute procurement ~~dagger juggling (buy 2 lessons, get the 3rd free!!) ~~a variety of tent sizes suitable for army hosts Pricing can be negotiated to...
lost + found
a message from the queen across the water _______________________________ WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS Location: Qarth
rooms & shares
this building is still standing…GET IN ON THE ACTION NOW!!! ___________________________________ YoU mAy HaVe HeArD oF uS: Kidz of the Krossroads Inn! Formerly known as the Two Crowns, formerly known as the Bellringer Inn, formerly known as the Clanking Dragon. Our rooms come fully equipped with walls and/or a window. Fun for the whole band of outlaws! Luxurious accommodations for our...
craster’s keep _________________________________________ Gilly - I hope this raven finds you well, and maybe less pregnant. You were married to your dad at the time, I was the chubby Night’s Watch raven-keeper. You were wearing a chestnut brown sack and your hair had that “windblown” look. I gave you a trinket to keep safe…by truly, I gave you my heart. ...
Littlefinger’s Ladies ____________________________________ Discretion is of utmost importance to the staff of Littlefinger’s Ladies. If you’re a septon, Kingsguard knight, or a married man with one or more illegitimate children, rest assured that your secret trysts - among other things - will be safe in our hands. Our ladies are available for dine-in or take-out: we also...
Special treasurez ______________________________________ Looking for grotesques with a fun, flirty attitude. Please send pics and neck circumference measurement (two measurements for two heads, please!!!!1). Direct all inquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org Compensation: no pay
men seeking men
Quick question _______________________________________ Where is Beric Dondarrion? Location: Harrenhal interviews to be conducted IN PERSON - no exceptions!