Shade-of-the-evening: the perfect shade for you!
___________________________________________

House of the Undying?  More like House of the Fundyeing!  

Don’t let apocalyptic visions and dead, rotting flesh get in the way of looking your best!  Here at The Haus, we provide comprehensive hair color care for all manner of magical and otherwise-irregular beings.  

Choose your treatment among top-of-the-line dyes, including:

- Arsenic blue
- Sacrificial baby blue
- Cyanide cyan

and of course,

- Cornflower blue, the best crayon in the Crayola box hands-down

Don’t wait!  Come to The Haus and let us transform you into beautiful blue!

• Customers enter the House of the Undying at their own mortal risk
• NO DRAGONS

Wedding band
____________________________________________

We are looking for musicians (lute players, miscellaneous percussion…guys, and bards) to perform during various entertainment segments of King Joffrey’s upcoming nuptials to Lady Margaery Tyrell.

If your merry band…

….PLAYS GENESIS COVERS AND HAS A SUBSTANTIAL KNOWLEDGE OF EARLY MICHAEL JACKSON WORK 
….KNOWS ALL EXISTING HARMONIES AND VARIATIONS OF “THE RAINS OF CASTAMERE”
and
….HAS AT LEAST SOME ADELE IN YOUR REPERTOIRE

You are the group for us!
 

• all applicants will be subject to a routine background check, interrogation, and possible incarceration if application is denied 
• NO NORTHERNERS

Blacksmith
_____________________________________

Gendry. Full experience with all manner of metals. All your metalworking needs covered. Wrought-iron, iron, steel, cast iron. NO OBSIDIAN. Weapon-smith expertise on offer. Will repair/produce: short swords, long swords, broadswords, parrying blades, daggers, knives, axes, halberds, spears, lances, scimitars, helmets, breastplates. 

Rendezvous for service to be arranged at customer’s expense/life.

• NO FARRIERS.

Hodor
_______________________________________

Hodor?  Hodor Hodor, Hodor.

Hodor Hodor Hodor, HodorHodorHodorHodor. 

Hodor Hodor, Hodor: HodorHodorHodor-HodorHodorHordor-HodorHodorHodorHodor.

HODOR.

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

rainbow cloak - GENTLY USED!
______________________________________

I have a FABULOUS cloak from King Renly’s Rainbow Guard that I’ve only worn once (recreationally: no battle)!  I’m looking for someone to take it off my hands, since I really don’t have space in my rucksack for it (had to flee camp with all my possessions, including my full-series Sex and the City collection).

This cloak features 7 vibrant colors, perfect for Westerosi PRIDE events or last minute gift-wrapping.  Clasp included.

See pic here.

If you’re interested, send a raven ASAP.  

• Location: undisclosed
• NO LANNISTERS

braavosi “dancing” master
_______________________________

king’s landing special!  buy three lessons, get free bodily protection from would-be assasins!

you can choose from several different simile-themed classes:

1. fear cuts deeper than swords….with swords
2. swift as a deer (sabre not included)
3. fierce as a wolverine fencing  
4. calm as still water kung fu
OR
5. Craft your own!!

• Location: undisclosed (secret rendezvous point tbd)
• License info: officially endorsed by the sealord of braavos 

King’s Landing Forum
___________________________________ 

Does anyone else think it’s weird that all three of Robert Baratheon’s legitimate children have blond hair? <definitelynotnedstark>

……..That depends on what you think “legitimate” means.  If you’re asking do I think it’s weird that Cersei gave birth to her brother’s blond-haired children, then yes I do. <littlefinger>

………………..Lord Stark, I suggest you keep this query to yourself for the time being. Posting it in a public forum seems ill-advised.<varys>

…………………………….I am NOT Ned Stark.  My name is - uh - Ed Tark, Lord of Pimpernel. <definitelynotnedstark>

………………………………………-_- <littlefinger>

…………………………………………………….^_^ <varys>

don’t be too tired for your bedding - hire a frey today!
___________________________________________

Here at the Twins, there is one thing we do best of all: marry people!  We offer professional nuptial-planning services, including:

~~fiddle/lute procurement
~~dagger juggling (buy 2 lessons, get the 3rd free!!)
~~a variety of tent sizes suitable for army hosts

Pricing can be negotiated to fit our your needs!

• all clients must sign non-liability agreements as per our terms of service
• patrons must provide their own fools and/or halfwits, as our in-house fool met an untimely death in a fatal….accident

a message from the queen
across the water
_______________________________

WHERE

ARE

MY

DRAGONS

•  Location: Qarth

this building is still standing…GET IN ON THE ACTION NOW!!!
___________________________________

YoU mAy HaVe HeArD oF uS: Kidz of the Krossroads Inn!

Formerly known as the Two Crowns, formerly known as the Bellringer Inn, formerly known as the Clanking Dragon.

Our rooms come fully equipped with walls and/or a window.  Fun for the whole band of outlaws!

Luxurious accommodations for our loyal customers!!  Food available more often than not!!

• patrons must be comfortable with children and mortal uncertainty
• it is NOT okay to bother the brooding half-naked smith in the yard

craster’s keep
_________________________________________

Gilly - I hope this raven finds you well, and maybe less pregnant.

You were married to your dad at the time, I was the chubby Night’s Watch raven-keeper.  You were wearing a chestnut brown sack and your hair had that “windblown” look.  I gave you a trinket to keep safe…by truly, I gave you my heart.

We’ll be up at the Fist of the First Men for awhile, but shouldn’t be long.  Maybe I can hit you up on the way back for some mulled wine in a secret cave?

Think about it…

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster if your dad sees this

Littlefinger’s Ladies
____________________________________

Discretion is of utmost importance to the staff of Littlefinger’s Ladies.  If you’re a septon, Kingsguard knight, or a married man with one or more illegitimate children, rest assured that your secret trysts - among other things - will be safe in our hands.

Our ladies are available for dine-in or take-out: we also deliver!

Customers must provide their own assault weapons when applicable.

• Direct all inquiries to Peter Baelish, Master of Coin
• Hidden tunnels will be accessible to select patrons for a small fee (most castles and fancy titles accepted)

Special treasurez
______________________________________ 

Looking for grotesques with a fun, flirty attitude.  Please send pics and neck circumference measurement (two measurements for two heads, please!!!!1).  

• Direct all inquiries to yourfriendlynurse@yellowcity.yezzan.org
• Compensation: no pay

Quick question
_______________________________________

Where is Beric Dondarrion?

• Location: Harrenhal
• interviews to be conducted IN PERSON - no exceptions!